Sunday, July 15, 2012

Comments are closed on this blog for the time being.  I refuse to allow my mother this way to contact me, as she has done.

Mother, read this

I refuse to deal with your delusional and emotional abuse and thinking the world owes you something.  You don't get to turn gifts that were given in thanks for the financial help I've given over the years into a loan and then into not even that when it suits you.  It doesn't work that way.  Over the years I've given I don't even know how many thousands at this point in addition to putting my life on hold and moving you whenever you go off and get evicted, trying to keep a roof over your head even when it meant moving you in with me, multiples times in a year, and giving you chances repeatedly even after I have to call the cops on you for getting violent and threatening to kill me, and then repeating the threat in front go the cops resulting in you being put on a psychiatric hold.  My family ran out the door so fast when you got in trouble, even when I told you you needed to get out of Richard's house, that we even left our breakfast on the couch.  We didn't spare a few seconds to clean up before rushing to your rescue.  We even got you a cell phone on our credit, which you took to Winton with you and let Richard run up charges on.  We're out several hundred dollars for that alone and are still paying on your line, though we've had it shut off.  And we're out the phone as well.

You like to say Dad's the one who kicked me out days after I got out of the hospital, but it was you, and you kicked me out for being "lazy" for not folding laundry three days after getting out of the hospital.  You might remember how I nearly died and was in the ICU for a while and by the time you kicked me out, I was only walking again for about a week.  Dad wasn't even home.  You did it, and when I asked to wait for Dad to get home, YOU said no.

Everyone knows you were whoring yourself out for alcohol.  Dad carefully watched the bank accounts and credit cards, and no money was missing, yet every week there were reliably more than a dozen bottles of fifths of vodka tossed out the window on the side of the house.  Do you think they magically disappeared?  You and the manager at the 7-11 were a bit too cozy.  Dad quietly accepted the burden of an adulterous wife because he didn't want to give up.  But he talked to me.  A lot.  Every day on his lunch break he'd call, when he'd get home he'd call, sometimes before going inside.  Quite often in the middle of the night, he's call.  He didn't know what to do about you and didn't want to quit.  He wanted you back the way you used to be.

You talked a lot of shit about me until he'd start to believe it, then feel guilty, and confess to me.  You fucked him up.  You tried driving a wedge between everyone you know trying to make us all trust you and only you.  You broke so many people apart.  You told me his family all wanted me aborted, which I found out was a LIE.  It never made sense why Grandma would have wanted me aborted if she was standing proudly in the hospital looking at me through the nursery window.  Yet you smack-talked me to try making him think I was a leach (from what I've been able to gather, he repeated this to his family), and he felt bad when he'd start believing it, and he told me, and apologized.  You smack-talked him too, claiming he wanted me aborted and never wanted me and claimed he beat the shit out of me as a toddler because I cried.  You made me believe for the longest time that he abused me.

He couldn't take it, and finally killed himself.  And you turned to me to pick up the pieces.  Do you really think that $10,000 in life insurance paid your $1,300/mo rent for two years until you had to move out and into that apartment?  For fuck's sake, I was living behind buildings sleeping wherever I was reasonably covered, yet the money I earned went to taking care of YOU (the homeless one had a legit job, and the one with a house with a nursing degree wouldn't work!) until I finally got a roommate and moved into an apartment.  And even then, I still paid for you.  When you got evicted from your apartment, my husband and I paid for you to move, set you up with food and a cell phone on our tab (only the first time we did this), and you bitched that you weren't in your very own apartment in the Bay Area.

I've put you first for far too long.  I've put you first even when it hurt me, even when it meant remaining homeless myself to keep you in your own 3-bedroom house, even when it meant my husband and me nearly getting evicted, when it meant taking my daughter to a dangerous place to once again rescue you.  Since my teen years, YOU came first because you made me feel obligated for not aborting the baby Dad and his family all wanted aborted (only they didn't really, you just lied).

When you got your DUI when I was just 18, I could have left you in jail, but I took on the legal responsibility for you, putting myself at risk if you didn't do what you were supposed to do.  I covered for your ass when you did bad shit.

When you used my ID, I accepted it instead of turning you in.  When you somehow got bills of yours from the county put in my name so it took our tax refund, I sighed and did nothing because I don't want to know what you did in my name that our tax refund was intercepted.  I hope to the gods you didn't break the law in my name.  I wish I could change my social security number since I'm not comfortable with you having that, knowing how dishonest you are and how you'll let others take the fall and lose the respect of their family and friends.  You threw me under the bus more than once and I covered for you because I felt more loyalty to you than to anyone else, even myself, because you made me feel I owed it to you because you made me believe all my life you were the only one who wanted me born.

Yet you're trying to say I owe you and that I'm gong to regret it and you're going to take me down?  After how many TENS of thousands I've given you, even when I had no home?  Converting a gift into a loan and then claiming it wasn't even a loan?  For all I've done for you is the reason you gave me a part of the money you got, saying it was as a thank you and to help us get some stability for Charlotte when we lost our home last year, after using how much money just the prior six months on trying to keep you sheltered and moving you hundreds of miles whenever you wanted to move?  You offered me all the money you got, confident a lot more was coming, and I said no.  The few thousand I finally accepted is nothing compared to what I've given you, even when I had nothing to spare.  Even when I was sleeping behind buildings, I was using what money I had coming in to keep YOU in a 3-bedroom house that you lived in by yourself and wouldn't let me live in.

And then you topped it off by telling me you were going to call the cops and tell them we're abusing our daughter so she'll be taken away and be given to you if we didn't immediately give you $1,000.  You are so hateful and spiteful that you were willing to rip a toddler's life apart.  You were willing to use her as a pawn to hurt us if we didn't pay you to not hurt her.  How heartless can you possibly be? You'd have to learn to love others just to work your way up to heartless.  One of the most evil things someone can do is to try to hurt a child to hurt the parents.  You were willing to try getting her taken away and taken to a town where you know as well as I do that she would be hurt by the druggies you hang out with.  You know as well as I do that Richard and his asshole friends would molest her or worse, and you were willing to try it just to hurt me.  That is what sealed your fate and permanently killed you out of my life.

You are a sick, disgusting person and a liar.  How many people now have you claimed have stolen from you, beaten you, and raped you?  Just about every person you know you've claimed has stolen from you, whether it's money, lottery tickets, clothes, whatever.  How many of my boyfriends have you claimed raped you?  Every single one of them.  How many other men have you claimed raped you?  At least a few dozen, just that you've told me about.  How many men have you claimed have hit you?  Do I even want to count, considering you claimed your husband and son beat on you, and called 9-1-1 telling the cops I was beating you while I was on 9-1-1 since you'd threatened to kill me?  How many times have you claimed to be on your deathbed, tearing me emotionally to shreds resulting in me rushing from everything I was doing to go be by your side?  I had friends thinking I was personally making it up for sympathy since it was happening so often, but it was always when you told me you had this cancer or that, and I always believed you.  You always lied.

Your expectation that we sell our little home to give you back what you gifted to us specifically as a thank you, or to give you our home, and be homeless ourselves, is not only not reasonable, but it's not going to happen.  You are selfish and evil and an awful person.  My family comes first now, and you aren't a part of it.  You are nothing.  You are dead to me.

Contact from you is not wanted.  Any contact is harassment.  No one connected to me wants you contacting them.  I do not care to know you anymore, I do not care if you die under a bridge alone and hurting.  I don't care if you cry.  You've hurt far too many people, and I refuse to be yanked around or controlled anymore.  You've made me cry more times that I could possibly count, and I am done with you.  I only want to know you're dead so I can know I don't have to worry about you harassing those I love.

Because of your behavior, you will never see my daughter grow up.  You are not her grandmother.  She has one grandmother and three great-grandmothers.  Her grandmother is her dad's mom, and her great-grandmothers are her dad's mom's mom, step-dad's mom, and my dad's mom.  You are nothing.  You are not her family and she is not yours.  You have lost out.  This is the last you will see her.  She is happy not knowing you.  She is happy with her one grandma and three great-grandmothers.  She doesn't need you, won't know you, and doesn't want you.  You are dead to us, and we are getting on with our lives.

Good bye.

Saturday, March 24, 2012


Yes, I'm still around! I've been incredibly busy. Incredibly. We're working on a new business, somewhat. I've been busy with orders. Getting ready to go visit family in Missouri. Working on a new BLOG!

For right now I'm updating the new one a lot more. It's called 365 Little Reasons and every day I'm posting a new and different reason to be happy. I sometimes only actually publish them every few days since I try to do photos with them, and out internet's slow for uploading. Head on over there and see what I'm up to!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Happy New Year!

Okay, so that's passed. So has Christmas. I've simply been too busy to post. My mother-in-law came up for a few days before Christmas, then we had Christmas, then New Years. I've finished a few dresses for one order and am working on a few others. I've got a new blog going as part of my New Year's resolution (I'll share that at the end of the month. It doesn't replace this one.)

Well, off to have breakfast and go fabric shopping!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Occupy Portland and shutting down the ports

When the occupy movement started, I was in full support. In fact, I took Charlotte out there and we were in the very very front, no one in front of us. I have photos of her on the steps next to those who were speaking. I defended the protesters who did block off a couple streets in town to march since there were other routes drivers could take (it's a downtown with all parallel roads all one-way streets, very easy to navigate around a couple streets that are shut down). Protesting isn't supposed to be so convenient that everyone ignores it. It's supposed to cause just enough of a disturbance that you have to notice.

When a knife as pulled on Cody and someone tried stealing his lunch off of him, I didn't hold it against the movement. Every group is going to have its fringe lunatics. Muslins have al queda, Christians have Rick Perry, and Occupy Portland has that mugger. The mainstream doesn't condone the actions of those extremists who make them look back. They condone them. Right? Well I didn't expect to find over the last couple days that the very leaders (though it's said there are none, there really are) actually condone the actions of that mugger claiming maybe he needed the food more than Cody (who's place it is to determine that?) and that Cody deserved it if he was going to work for a big corporation (a corporation that treats its employees VERY damned well, keeps most of it's labor and all of its call centers to the US and Canada, and defends the rights of its assembly workers who are overseas).

I spent last night and part of today arguing with the leader of the Occupy Salem movement over the alleged brutalities happening during arrests at Occupy Portland (yes, those cities are both right). I've seen many videos showing arrests doing OP, and I was shocked to see not a single bit of police violence, even in the videos uploaded by occupiers. In fact, those claiming brutality happened were outnumbered by others who were present saying that no brutality happened. One of the leaders of Occupy Salem claimed he suffered brutality last Saturday and got bruises on his wrists that happened when he "freaked out" and fought the police during arrest. He admitted this on Facebook when we were arguing. I told him that it was his own fault if he was bruised while FIGHTING the cops when he chose to be arrested. Yes, people who want to be arrested can take a seat on the curb and police will arrest them peacefully, and many are choosing to do this. He claims that he is suffering PTSD, to which I replied with links to the official criteria including that symptoms must be ongoing for 30 days and interfere with daily life or regular activities. He's so traumatized that he's planning to go out tomorrow and get arrested again. Traumatized? I think not. He self-diagnosed to trump up what happened. I challenged him to see an actual psychiatrist for an official diagnosis, but not to be surprised if he was told it hasn't been long enough and that his continued involvement by choice with the police and being arrested shows his activities and ability and desire to do them hasn't been hampered. He also said that the police were wrong to shut down Occupy Portland and didn't address my question about how the movement there was so peaceful when a man was shot to death. Still I chalked this one leader up to being an idiot.

Today I was in an argument with other leaders of the Occupy Salem group who posted about the planned shut down of the docks being covered on the news and I replied to let those who have jobs actually be able to work. Well they said that there's no plan to prevent anyone from working, and I posted the link to Occupy Portland's website backing up that yes, the plan is to disrupt the workers and shut down the docks. Well, that came to an amusing end with them giving me a warning for flaming, me telling them that trying to silence me for pointing out their errors and backing up my claim is censorship, them claiming to believe in freedom of speech and then banning me when I said that censorship isn't freedom of speech and calling me a conservative republican (wow, most republicans I know call me an liberal democrat). I actually have screen caps of all that saved and posted. Good thing I kept that conversation up so I could screen cap it. My comments were deleted. The other one was deleted and I didn't screen cap, not thinking they'd delete the entire thing. All of the conversation I capped is here. I find it hypocritical to tell me to be quiet because I disagree with them while they support those occupiers disrupting other events and rallies.

On the Occupy Portland page right now is a call to figurative arms to shut down the docks tomorrow. I asked how it helps anyone to cause dock workers, fellow members of the 99%, to lose a day's wages and have to worry about how to pay their bills losing 10% of a paycheck while the rich dock owners will be nothing more than annoyed but certainly not worrying about making ends meet. Why make those workers hurt? One stupid person said, "Some people are already hurting." True, but what good will it be to make others hurt more too? You can read what's going on here. I'll be heading to bed soon, but I have the most recent comments still open in case there's a deletion by the time I wake up. It will really do no good though to cause working stiffs to lose a day's pay. That's a good way to lose more support than has already been lost.

Personally I want the protesters to just shut up and go home at this point. Defending violence and being hypocrites has turned them into pests. I'm actually more concerned with safety of passers-by who don't make themselves a part of the movement. Who cares if those who choose to be an active part get some injuries, but I sure as hell care when people who are simply walking in the area are mugged, raped, and in a few instances, even killed. I know freedom has a cost that can include injury and death, but that shouldn't mean injury and death to those who are trying to keep out of it. At this point I think they are doing nothing more than pissing off those who have the power to actually cause change and making those politicians less likely to listen. Putting them on the defensive won't do a single bit of good, but can cause harm.

Also a better way to cause loss to the rich dock owners and rich business owners, as I said in the previous link, isn't to prevent workers from doing their jobs and getting paid. It's to use their money to buy American-made products. This will both lessen demand for imported products, which, yes, would result in lost jobs, but it would create demand for American products which would create jobs in companies that make their products right here. This is what we do, buy American when at all possible, even if it means we buy fewer items overall because we're paying more per piece. We get better quality that lasts longer and are helping to create demand for workers here in the US, and even better, we also specifically seek out people who directly sell their wares, like pot holders from someone on etsy (yes, I can make them myself, but this is one of those things that, when we have some money to spend, I'd rather give to someone else to make it for me to help circulate money and help someone else get by), and even some of Charlotte's wood toys have come from etsy sellers who make the toys themselves. We cut out the rich company owners and give 100% of the cost right to someone just trying to make ends meet. Honestly, if it weren't for those willing to pay more for items from me instead of buying cheaper imported crap that will fall apart within a few months, I don't think I'd be able to stay home with Charlotte. I'd be out there working night shifts when Cody's home to make ends meet. So we do our part to help other Americans. THAT is the best way to stick it to the rich company owners who give as little as they can get away with to those who toil to make the rich richer.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

If our children's playtime is a reflection of us as parents...

...then I must be a good mommy. Yesterday Charlotte sat on her potty like it was a regular chair, and had her dolly in her lap. I wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, and she used it to wrap her dolly and said, "shhhh, shhhh," to her dolly while rocking her. Then she tried to feed her dolly! She is still breastfed herself (and is healthy as an ox for it), and knows it means I love her, and she did the same with her dolly, and then kissed the dolly's cheek while continuing to rock. My heart melted!

Well, Charlotte is two! And the next day Cody and I had our anniversary, and on Wednesday Cody has his birthday, and mine was Thursday! Nothing super exciting on any of them since Cody worked all of them except his birthday, and we spent part of that trying to figure out an electrical issue that managed to correct itself today. We thought either the coach batteries (that power the DC appliances) to the converter was going bad, but Cody topped the batteries off yesterday with distilled water, and saw a piece of debris that managed to get in one of them, and we drove the RV about half an hour today, and now everything's fine. Good thing for that. We were looking at spending a few hundred replacing them.

In another week Cody's mom Theola will be here for a visit. She hasn't seen Charlotte (or any of us) since August, which is tough since she and Charlotte are so close and she was even there when Charlotte was born. We'll properly celebrate birthdays then. :)

On my birthday a friend and I hug out at the mall, and Charlotte just took to LeAnne like I've never seen her take to anyone! When LeAnne had to go, Charlotte's little heart just broke. I held her until she broke free and then she ran down the mall after LeAnne crying, "Bye! Bye!" and then, "Hi? Hi?" and fell to the ground and just cried. So sad. Thankfully LeAnne took right to her too and would like to babysit, so Cody and I might actually get date nights sometimes and Charlotte will get to spend time with someone other than us and I'm sure she's so bored of us!

Last week was annoying. There's a new scam going around and I fell victim. What it is is someone claiming to need things for a wedding that's very soon, and paying with bad checks. I did get a deposit that cleared, rushed the dress, then, to be nice since her wedding was soon (somehow I doubt there is a wedding), sent the dress but she still hadn't sent the balance like she said, and then she sent a tracking number when I told her I needed one before I'd let the dress be released. I got a bad check, and the kicker is it was for 25% less than the balance. $473.30 I am out. The particular gown she ordered for the supposed wedding wouldn't be what you'd think of for a wedding. It's this one:

Stupidly, despite it being a crime in most states to pay with a bad check and not make it right, the police in my city won't treat it like a crime, leaving my option to fly all the way across the country. I've come by a few people who've either fallen victim to the same scam from someone in the same area, or who almost fell victim. I'm biting my tongue to not swear up a storm. There's speculation that it's someone or a group coming down from Canada, and I have no idea how anyone came up with that. All I know for sure isn't even her name (she's given a few of them!), but that it's birthday time times four (my brother's is also this month) plus anniversary and Christmas, and that money was really needed. It's caused me to reevaluate some of my policies and to take a closer look at first-time clients who didn't find out about me from someone I know who can vouch for that person.

Anyway I have a handful of dresses and a couple corsets to work on in the next few months, and a big wedding gown to do for next fall, among other things so, while it's annoying, the world is not collapsing.

From the 17th until the 31st we will be house/cat-sitting, and I plan to make good use of being able to spread out a bit while sewing. By being efficient with space and having Cody take the dogs and Charlotte out of here for a day and pulling out my hair-free cutting mats, I've been able to do sewing as usual, but it would be nice not having to be so efficient with space!

It's also cold enough here that we can use the basement storage in the RV as extra refrigerator room. I think we hit a high of 34 today, and it was 29 until about noon. Charlotte, our little polar bear, is in heaven and keeps ripping her coat off to run around and we're having heart attacks worried her fingers or toes will freeze off! Loving it though!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Charlotte is almost TWO years old!

I can't believe my baby will be TWO tomorrow!!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Tiny Rapunzel on Halloween

Charlotte loves Rapunzel, the one in Tangled. Loves. LOVES. So naturally that meant she was going to be Rapunzel for Halloween. I only had a chance to start three days before Halloween. My brother asked me a couple weeks before if I could make him a Joker (Heath Ledger) costume, and being my brother, of course I said yes. Since his needed to be shipped, his costume came first. Then I spent three days on hers.

Look at how big she's getting!! She cut her back set of molars, and as hard as I watched to get the dates, they came in and I missed them. We've had a couple minor emergencies in the last few weeks. At the hotel, she stuck her hand in the hinge-side of a door when it was closing too quickly for me to react, and her finger broke. The knuckle was smashed down to about 1/8" thin, no joke She was i pain and I was screaming at the 911 operator to get an ambulance there that second. I didn't know where the ER was and was too shaken up to drive safely even if I knew. And then I found out my iron, a pricy one, is faulty. It's supposed to turn off after eight minutes of non-use. The light blinks when it's off and is steady when on. I set it aside, it turned off (or so I thought), and I made a cake. Then Charlotte knocked it over onto her hand and pulled her hand away but didn't cry. So I didn't think anything of it, until the burns became visible a few hours later. Nerve damage, second degree burns, and now I'm getting into it with Rowenta. The safety feature of the iron failed. It didn't turn off. This iron isn't years old, and now my child has burns, pain, possible long-term nerve-damage and scarring, and we've got medical bills. If I wanted an iron that didn't turn off, I'd have bought on that didn't. Instead I paid thee figures for an iron that's supposed to turn off because I've got a child. So I'm pissed.

In non-injury news, she can count to three! It comes out, "Un, oo, we!" and she couches down slightly with each count, then runs screaming and squealing. Her daddy will count to three before tossing her in the air, and she's learned to count because of that! She's smart. Aside from just that, it's creepy what she can do, not only her insane balance, like being able to stick a leg behind her, bend her standing knee so she's close to the ground, and stand back without help, and she can stand on her rocking horse and keep her balance, but she's a problem-solver. If she want something, she can find a way to get or do it. Child-proofing doesn't work. She can open most bottles. She can get as high up as she wants. She can buckle and unbuckle her own seat belt (the first time this happened, I looked in my side mirror and thought I was seeing things when I saw her head out the window, and then she climbed over the console and tried getting into my lap - while I was on a stretch of freeway three miles from the next exit and on a stretch with such narrow holders that it was safer to NOT stop and open the door. She's also working on dressing herself and can do her own shoes.

She's 23 months old now, 23 months and 2 days to be exact, and 27 pounds, 35" tall (that's a good bit above average), has to have size 3T clothes because everything else is way too short, but everything is too loose. She's slender but healthy, and most clothes are made to the average that accounts for toddlers being chunkier for their height than a generation ago. Since children are about half their adult height by the the they're two years old, she's probably going to be very tall. I'm 67", and she's more than half my height, and as it is, I'm taller than average. She also wears a size 8 or 9 in shoes. She has some in both sizes. I repeat, she's not yet two full years old, and a size 7 is absolutely too small. Poor child, she's going to have my whoppers the Wiley feet as we say. Cody's mom wears an adult side 5. I wear a 10.

Anyway, costume! I've got this posted to Facebook here.

This is a semi-deluxe version of the gown, minus the embroidery. I'll do that by hand later.

This dress is three pieces (in the film, the gown would have been four pieces, a camisole that buttons up the back, the outer bodice that laces up the front, a lace-trimmed slip, and the skirt). I combined the camisole and bodice and made back-lacing with longer sleeves and skirt so that this dress can grow with her.

The neckline, arms, waist, and solid fabric of the skirt, have pink satin cord. The wrists, neckline, and skirt hem have white lace, and the waist has pink lace. I couldn't find suitable pink lace, so dyed some of the white. The upper sleeves have six yards of ribbon between them. That took a surprisingly long time to do.

The bodice and front skirt panel are a rose brocade, and the bodice inset, upper sleeves (under the ribbon), modesty panel, and rest of the skirt are matching solid bridal satins. The lower sleeves are doubled tulle. The bodice is entirely lined in light purple cotton except for the lower sleeves.

As I said, this dress was made to grow with her. So the back laces over a modesty panel (so no skin will show) that matches the front inset. The skirt has a waistband that, at its smallest, if her current waist measurement. I inserted a godet where a zipper would usually go, and extended one side of the waist band a few inches. On the extended tab, I placed a few buttons so that it can be buttoned on the one most comfortable. The skirt and bodice have hooks and eyes to keep the bodice and skirt from separating when a little one decides to jump around and roll on the ground!

I went to Goodwill hoping to find a small skillet of any sort, and was thrilled to find a perfectly-sized cast iron skillet. If you're wondering what on earth I'm talking about, watch the film. :)

This picture shows the colors guest to life, a least on my screen.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Let's see if this can be shorter than a novel

I guess first thing first. We got an RV, a 34-foot Fleetwood Bounder and live in that. There's air conditioning, heating (of course), and it's surprisingly comfortable to ride in. I really like it. We will be pulling up the carpet and putting down laminate though very soon and we already got some of it. Easier to keep clean, I get squeamish thinking about what gets under carpet, plus multiple animal butts smooching on so little carpet is just ew. Thankfully the dogs prefer to lay in the kitchen on the linoleum. My dad always told us that by me and my brother helping renovate our house when we were 11 and 9 or so that we'd learn skills we'd use in life, ad sure enough, I've used those skills a lot. We'll also eventually paint the walls and take the curtains down and stain them. They're good heavy curtains that do a nice job keeping it from getting very drafty and keeping heat in, so I don't want to replace them. Maybe I'll just take spray paint to them. They look so 70's, and this rig is nowhere near that old.

We've been in this RV two weeks as of today, and in that time I made my brother a Joker costume (Heath Ledger version), Charlotte a Rapunzel costume (next post for pics), am nearly finished with a Lord of the Rings wedding gown, and helped with an invention that requires fabric, but to to NDA, I'm obviously not going to disclose (even Cody doesn't know).

So here's a tour of our new rig:

In the above photo, each of the compartments under the RV are storage units. There is a door going to the living room and there's one going right into the bedroom. Above all windows are awnings, and in the "passenger side" is a larger awning that makes a patio-like area. The steps can be set to stay down or to move up. When we're coming and going we leave the steps down.

On the "driver side" most of the compartments house utilities and the generator. A couple are storage, but this is the hook-ups side. It's got a really nice Onan generator.

From the back, here is the bedroom. Queen size bed, and yes, Charlotte still sleeps with us. We'll be working on getting her to sleep on the couch that turns into a bed, but slowly. She's already been through so much this year.

There is a lot of storage under the bed.

From the bedroom, you can see the rest. My hand is on the door to the bathroom. You can see one of the TVs at the front. The other is in the bedroom. We have a 47" HD LCD flat-panel TV in storage in California, and are using two small tube TVs now. :)

Bathroom? Yes, we have one, and even have a small tub! The water heater isn't very large though, so showers are quick. Across from the bathroom is a closet. I didn't get pics of that. We do need a shower curtain still (how sad that we keep forgetting to get one), and of course the one towel we have that's ratty is one that's hung up. Most of our towels are really nice and fluffy thanks to me being a towel snob once upon a time.

Next up, jus past the bathroom on the same side is the dining table. This picture was taken just past the table with the camera angled toward the back. The table drops down and becomes a bed. The seat back cushions cover the table in the center. I don't anticipate ever needing to use this as a bed. Under the seats is more storage.

On the same side as the table toward the front is the couch. This folds out into a full-size bed that is incredibly comfortable. You can also see the curtains that cover the front windows. There is more storage under the couch.

Here is my sewing area. The almost-finished coat was sewn start to finish in this RV. I have the small quilt on the seat of the chair because here are two small nickel-sized holes that Charlotte would probably try to play with. There are cabinets overheard all around the RV like you can see in this picture. They're solid oak, which is very nice.

And here is the sink and range. In this first one, you can see the stove with the cover down. In the second, with the cover up, you can see the fridge and freezer. It's wood-veneered and is of the right of the range.

It's not much, not a huge place, but it's adequate, comfortable, and ours. If we're not at an RV park, we can take this thing anywhere and not need to worry about electricity or anything. The plan right now is to stay at different parks by the week to see where we like, then to decide where to stay for a while, see how much we can save up over the next year or two, buy some land, run utilities to it, park there, get foundation laid, and start building a house. I've helped build a house before, and Cody's dad is a general contractor and Cody's helped out there. Building my own house with my own hands has been a dream of mine since I was a teenager. Of course it's unlikely to go that easily, but it's a goal at least.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Depression is setting in, really bad depression.

We applied for a home loan and were denied for not having established credit. We did the responsible thing by never living outside our means, and it bit us in the ass.

So then we decided to see if we could finance an inexpensive motorhome with 35% down, and...we need established credit.

We can't rent because of the shit with Archstone I'm still dealing with (if I was in California, I'd sue, but I'm not, and we can't afford for me to travel, even though I can prove there were no damages, and Achstone's own website helps me prove my case).

And the RVs we can afford to pay in full for have all been crap. We're not looking for pretty, but reliable and structurally sound. But we're not finding either. The one we saw yesterday wouldn't even start.

This hotel we're in is the lowest priced in the area. Not many hotels allow starts part four weeks. We're in one where many of the people here have been here longer than we have been. It's not half bad, but expensive still, more than twice the cost of rent, plus everything we have is in storage for another $250 a month. I'm really wishing right now that I have a couple more of my dress forms with me, especially since I'm working on an order right now that's larger than the form I have with me. Can't afford to buy another right now, but I could really use my size large one (over the years, I've accumulated all sizes from child to petite adult to plus size adult and everything in between except men).

I'm angry that money's so tight that a trip to Goodwill makes me feel like there's a weight on my chest (they were woefully low on jeans in my size, like none - tall jeans are hard to find at all, even harder in smaller sizes). I'm angry that we can't spare $20 for me to buy some fabric I'm dying for to make into a warm skirt. I'm angry that my jeans are getting holes. I'm angry that we're worried about food and never have more than a few days' worth because if we buy more than two or three days' worth at a time, we go ballistic and eat a lot. I'm angry that it looks like Charlotte will be spending her birthday and Christmas cramped in a hotel. I'm angry that Cody's and my first wedding anniversary won't get to be anything special, nor will our birthdays. I'm angry that it's no longer a big deal to say that we're homeless. I'm angry that we don't have any place to call home. I'm angry that we've done it all "right" and are willing to scrimp and sacrifice, and have been doing so, and all we have to show for it is nothing at all.

We're burning through our savings just trying to meet basic expenses here, and dress orders have become vital. At this rate, we can get by for maybe another three months, and I don't know what we'll do after that.