Friday, August 28, 2009

Midwife it is!

Without doubt we are going with a midwife for delivery now. No doubt. Just deciding between the birthing center and home.

A list of states where midwifery is illegal.

I promise to try not to go all hyper-activist on this issue. I'm newly broken free of the belief that my own delivery absolutely must be in a hospital and must be c-section. Years of being told it had to be one way made me feel like there was no control, made being pregnant something I wasn't able to enjoy due to the fear of death if I didn't do it the way the doctors said, newly free of the fear that no matter what, I would probably die, but the chance of life was increased most by letting them cut me open. It's been so freeing breaking loose of that, and for the first time, my fiance and I are both looking forward to our daughter being born instead of me crying from sickness and grief that I might not get to see her grow up and him being in tears often from fear that I'd die, and possibly our baby with me. Now the tears for us both are from relief and release from the fear, and we're able to lay down together and actually watch her move around, karate-chopping me from the inside, and we can laugh instead of wondering if this was the only family time we could look forward to together.

I'm still sad, but for the countless women made to feel that the only safe option for them, the ONLY safe option, no matter what, is in a cold, impersonal hospital being pumped full of drugs with doctors who only now are being "kind" enough to allow them more than a few ice chips during labor, though still no food, lest they need a c-section from exhaustion brought on by lack of nutrition. It's's sickening.

The doctor backing our midwife (makes it harder for the state to shut down her birth center by having a doctor-affiliation) is under threat of disciplinary action for practicing what he preaches about women being given the information they need to decide for themselves which birth is best for them rather than censoring himself and only giving them pieces of information to sway them to hospital births. Yes, a pro-midwife, pro-unassisted birth, pro-information doctor! But, you see, he's violated a VBAC ban by attending them. So for being in support of women who don't want to be cut open again, he's under peer review, may lose his staff privileges, and may face disciplinary action. This is sickening. If the review is successful, my midwife (one of the first licensed by the state) would come under fire as well. It's damned near impossible in this area to find doctors willing to provide the back-up service needed to keep a midwife from being disallowed to practice.

I'm so angry about this. Thrilled to have broken free from the belief I had to go be cut open, and angry that those willing to give women the right to not birth in hospitals with ice chips are coming under such fire. How dare the medical community use fear to coerce medical decisions toward the direction that will make them the most money with a total disregard for our health?

Sorry, I'll stop ranting now.

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