Busy busy busy busy busy. Did I say busy? I'm going to crack if things don't slow down!
Last Wednesday Charlotte was breech. That just confirmed what we'd already figured. Her hiccuping was being felt up by my ribs on the left side, and Cody had found her head up there as well. He's really very good at figuring out what's what in there. So when the midwife confirmed, I wasn't too shocked, but still upset. Just another string in bad news. Breech babies can't be delivered by midwives in this state, and few hospitals will allow it either, meaning forced c-sections (courts orders, if necessary). We managed to get her transverse, and then, thankfully, we think we have her back head-down. This is tricky for someone with a bicornuate uterus.
The septum makes it harder for later-term babies to move around. As you can probably tell, this also makes less room ultimately for babies to grow, which is why I am very likely to deliver a few weeks early. Over 80% of women with bicornuates deliver early, most by c-section due to breech. I have to hold on until 37 weeks. Any earlier and law says it's a hospital birth. I hate state laws regarding delivery of a baby that the state says I can kill up to 24 week of gestation.
I spent some time crying this last week over this. I do NOT want a drugged birth. I do NOT want to be cut open again. I do NOT want to die fro a c-section, which has a 50% chance of happening. Death from the c-section, not the c-section itself. My damned small intestine is adhered to the FRONT of my uterus (which makes for some interesting nights watching my guts move around, which makes me not want to eat because this reminder that my internal system is fucked up depresses me), meaning they'd have to cut through my intestine to deliver. It's a gray, "glued-together" mass that can't be easily separated by even a GI much less an ON/GYN with little or no experience with patients like me.
I hate my system being so screwed up. I hate feeling broken. Deformed uterus, colitis, seizures, fucking hell, can't anything with my body be normal? At least nothing is hereditary, and my medical conditions, aside from uterine abnormality, which is a defect present before birth, are directly the result of either the colitis itself somehow (either treatments or just how it effected me), or from when I was hit by that car. And I would NEVER have gone through with IVF if there was reason to believe there was any chance of passing this on to a baby. We did see a genetic counselor and have VERY in-depth screening and testing done prior to starting IVF.
Still, I can't believe Cody's willing to put up with all of this. When dating, it's so hard to find guys willing to emotionally invest in someone so physically screwed up. It's really easy to find a guy who gets all excited at the idea of sex with no chance of an unplanned baby. But a guy who wants a family, or is willing to accept one may not be a possibility, who knows my medical history and still loves me for me anyway? Well, we were very good friends for a long time before falling in love, so I never felt I had to hide any of my medical stuff from someone who was just a friend. And he got to know me for me. And I got to know him for him. (He was so incredibly respectful through his divorce toward his ex and put the smack-down on anyone who spoke negatively of her because she did nothing wrong, they were simply too young and married because of the wrong reasons. She's a dear, beloved friend of both of ours, and will be considered an auntie to our baby. This makes me so happy.)
Anyway, it does feel like she's back in her right spot. I'm having the pains I had before (mostly), and her hiccuping hits my pubic bone again, and her back feels like it's on my right side again.
Just a little over two weeks to go until she's welcome to pop out. We're still aiming for a home birth.
Also I am wondering how I never knew the awesomeness of sweet potatoes before this past July. Since then, I've been in love with sweet potatoes. Too bad they're so expensive. Anyway, if I weren't so tired, I'd go boil one up and mash it. We've got a couple 1.5lb suckers in the fridge. But no, I'm too tired to go move around. Pregnancy insomnia is different than my usual insomnia. I can easily be awake 36 hours at a stretch or more, only pregnancy insomnia has be feeling physically drained. I need to sleep a bit, then get to the post office today. Stupid post offices around here don't have those 24-hour automated machines, so this means having to get down there between 9 and 5, hard to do when Cody works 8 to 5 most days, meaning getting down there requires going with him to work and driving home so I have the car and can get to the post office. Oh well. Just knock a bunch of errands off the list today after a nap.