Sometimes, out of the blue, I suddenly feel a clenching around my heart and feel very sad about losing Charlotte's twin. It's quite something to see two heartbeats on an ultrasound, and then to only see one living baby heartbeat and one dead baby without one, and then to worry about losing the living one. I'm grateful to have Charlotte. So many people never succeed in having one. But I can't help but wish her sister survived. She was the fifth on a string of losses (plus another one a decade ago). I don't know why this one loss hits me harder than the rest.
Charlotte is the one on the right. This was the only time both were visible on the probe at the same time. Other than this, it's separate pictures of each. Her sister is on the left.
I'm just e-screaming from the rooftops right now to try getting it out of my system so I can sleep.