Thursday, January 28, 2010

Charlotte's twin

Sometimes, out of the blue, I suddenly feel a clenching around my heart and feel very sad about losing Charlotte's twin. It's quite something to see two heartbeats on an ultrasound, and then to only see one living baby heartbeat and one dead baby without one, and then to worry about losing the living one. I'm grateful to have Charlotte. So many people never succeed in having one. But I can't help but wish her sister survived. She was the fifth on a string of losses (plus another one a decade ago). I don't know why this one loss hits me harder than the rest.

Charlotte is the one on the right. This was the only time both were visible on the probe at the same time. Other than this, it's separate pictures of each. Her sister is on the left.

I'm just e-screaming from the rooftops right now to try getting it out of my system so I can sleep.


  1. Oh Wow! I didn't realize Charlotte had a twin! I didn't have it confirmed by US, but I'm positive my second child was a twin. I had a LOT of bleeding early in pregnancy, and considered giving myself herbs to abort because I was convinced the baby was dead and I wasn't really pregnant. A few weeks later (after the bleeding had finally stopped) I heard the placenta, and a couple weeks later we heard baby's heart beat. I later read my exact symptoms in a textbook on missed miscarriages of twins. "Vanishing Twin", it's called. I never knew for sure so I didn't mourn my loss like I expected, although I cried my eyes out while I was miscarrying, but it is strange, looking at my daughter and thinking sometimes about the baby that might have been growing up with her... Not the most posiive thought, but I'm very thankful that I do have three healthy children!

  2. I'm trying to place the name Kilbreth and it's driving me nuts.

    I've read some medical studies that indicate left-handed people are more likely to be twins, and those born as singles likely had a twin as well. Polar twins are mirror images of each other instead of carbon copies, so it's believed that the left-handed one survived while the right-handed one did not. Apparently there's a higher incidence of lefties in families with a history of twins, so that seems to back it up.

    It's scary thinking that the baby is being lost, or that the remaining one could be. I showed up to Cody's work nearly hysterical once.

    With as much as happens in such a short time, it's amazing how often things ultimately go right. From two cells to a full-fledged born-baby in an average 38 weeks (I don't get it why the first two weeks of "pregnancy" are before ovulation's even happened). As adults, we screw up simpler things all the time. With unborn babies, one thing going wrong often leads to loss, yet most of them make it. That's really miraculous.

    I'm clueless how or when to tell a child she had a twin. Have you figured out how to do that yet?


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