Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Continued

After those phone calls, Cody and I went to Montecito and bought a new bed set. With me, him, Charlotte, and two dogs on the bed, a queen size is squishy. So we got a California king. We pick it up on Saturday. On Sunday we'll be test-driving a new For Escape. Hopefully our tax refund is credited before then so we can buy it on the spot if we like it.

While we were out and about, I got another call from my mom and she started right in on me. If I wasn't already pissed before, I sure as fuck am furious now.

She said that I let Richard put her legal paperwork by the dumpster at the motel. Uh, how did I let someone 400 miles away do something? And why should Richard be expected to drag her shit around? The rent on the motel would be due, so he can't stay there, and if she decided to abandon him there, then I don't blame him one bit for not lugging her stuff around. She says its her right if she wanted to up and go to Tahoe to marry another guy without telling anyone. Well it's Richard's right to leave her shit the way she left him to marry someone else. FFS, she and Richard were dating. How heartless to leave the man who loves her and that she's been dating for months to go marry someone who's ditched her ass when she had no money left. I side with Richard on this one.

THEN! She had the GALL to throw it in my face that I was in an abusive relationship, and actually told me that it's coming back to me now and my history is repeating itself. When I asked her to give just one example about how it's repeating itself, how Cody's abusing me, she just said it's all repeating. So she'll accuse Cody of being abusive, but won't tell me how.

Cody doesn't hit me, force me into sexual things, tell me he wishes I would die, or deprive me of food or medical supplies. Jeff did, but Cody didn't. I am disgusted to my core that she dared to say that he's the same as Jeff. Hell, Jeff wouldn't have done shit for her. Cody helped with getting her moved and we payed for it. Cody himself rented the moving truck and spent every day off for three weeks helping with packing and driving 120 miles away to help check out houses, and then moved her stuff, and had no problem taking her grocery shopping and buying her the food and toiletries she needed to get set up, and with giving her a couple hundred buck (this all came from our own rent and was when we nearly got evicted). Jeff wouldn't have done anything.

Cody protects me and puts me first. He'll put my wants before his own needs. Even when I get mad for no reason and say some somewhat mean things, he won't raise his voice or say a single word that's even slightly mean to me. He would go hungry for a week before letting me get hungry once.

He's the same as Jeff...how? They're both white guys with blue eyes? Even physically they're so different. Her insisting that Cody is just like Jeff is so disgustingly offensive.

I think she was saying that about Cody to hurt me. She pissed me off rather than hurt me. She pissed me off enough that I finally said, "I hate you." She asked me, "Do you mean that?" And I said, "Yes." And hung up. It's one thing to insult me the way she's done today with the crap she's said. Already any relationship we've had has been on a thread. I've already been wary, even though I've been hopeful that things would get back on track for her now that she has the money to get things back on track. What she's done has severed it. I'm taking out life insurance on her since her funeral expenses will be thrown on me, but that's it. I won't be happy when she dies, but I won't be sad either. Probably I'll end up with more mental issues though. She sure knows how to chisel away at a person, and then make herself out to be the victim. But I'm finished at this point. I've got to take care of myself, even if that means cutting her out. I've got to take care of me so I can take care of the baby asleep against my chest. I feel bad and guilty, I hate to have to admit, but I can't keep taking care of her if she won't take care of herself and if she'll make decisions she knows are bad. I'm so angry that I'm almost apathetic.

2 comments:

  1. It isn't your Mom that you grew up with talking, it is the brain damaged brain from all of the alcohol talking now. Be perpared to have her call yu soon telling you things to try to get you to come running and save her. My ex used to tell me he was going to kill himself and it would be my fault when he couldn't manipulate me any other way. How I ever thought for a second second that that could be true makes me angry now but really hurt me way back then.I think you really need to understand that it isn't the Mom you remember saying and doing all of these things.Sometimes we just need to quit answering the phone for our own sanity. :)

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  2. *Hugs*

    Is it possible for you to change your number so she can't contact you anymore?

    ~Julia

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